How lady gaga changed my life…

<p>(I&#39;m just gonna go ahead and let you&#0160;have a moment to giggle at that title as&#0160;<em>I&#39;m having a hard time taking it seriously myself</em>, but I promise there is a point to this story.)</p>
<p>When Lady Gaga first hit the scene, I was baffled.&#0160; I DID NOT GET IT!&#0160; Why do I want to ride someone&#39;s disco stick, exactly?&#0160; And even if I did, <em>why are we singing about it</em>??&#0160; What&#39;s the deal with my pa-pa-pa-poker face?&#0160; Why am I arriving to awards shows wearing meat dresses?&#0160; <em>I just don&#39;t understand</em>… She sort-of made my skin crawl – and I will admit, I still do not understand a lot of it…&#0160; But back in late 2010 she was on the Ellen Degeneres show, doing an interview that I just so happened to catch, and for the first time I saw a human side of her that made me stop dead in my tracks…</p>
<p>A portion of the interview turned to a conversation about &quot;self worth&quot; and opened up a dialogue where she shared a quick piece of information about how for five minutes a day she thinks compassionate thoughts about herself…&#0160; For whatever reason this idea struck a nerve deep within, and so I let it roll around in my mind for several days.&#0160; The idea of spending five minutes every day being nice to myself seemed so crazy. &#0160;Maybe that sounds silly to some of you, but the real honest and raw truth is, I am someone who is very mean to myself.&#0160; For the most part, I&#39;ve never really been a big fan of this girl I am stuck with every single day. &#0160;She&#39;s irritating. &#0160;She&#39;s irrational. &#0160; She is horribly horribly shy and awkward and quiet (<em>and it makes me SO ANGRY sometimes.</em>) She&#39;s all over the place, and more than anything she frustrates me beyond all possible ends… There are times I wish she were someone else entirely…&#0160;</p>
<p>(And now she&#39;s talking about herself in the third person… &#0160;<em>See how irritating she is</em>?!!)</p>
<p>And because I don&#39;t like her, <em>I am mean to her</em>.&#0160; Meaner than the meanest bully you could ever possibly imagine… &#0160;I will spare you the details, because I know I am not the only person in the world who does this.&#0160; Just know that it&#39;s not exactly easy to admit it, so go easy on me. &#0160;</p>
<p>So last year, on January 1st, I decided to try Lady Gaga&#39;s method.&#0160; Five minutes a day – nothing but compassionate thoughts.&#0160; It was hard at first, and a bit ridiculous – five minutes is a long time – but I forced my way through it.&#0160; I started out being very superficial and for every nice thought, there was always a mean one (&quot;<em>You&#39;re having a good hair day, too bad your nose is so ugly</em>&quot;) but eventually the forcing subsided, and the mean thoughts faded away, and those five minutes just became part of my routine…&#0160; And as the weeks and months ticked by, a transformation started to take place.&#0160; I stopped hating the girl in the mirror.&#0160; I started being more able to forgive her for being so annoying (she still is sometimes, but it&#39;s OK).&#0160; And sometimes now when the bully resurfaces, I&#39;m quick to stick up for her, when in the past I&#39;d just continue kicking her.</p>
<p>I&#39;m not perfect (<em>you&#39;re shocked, I know</em>) so we still have work to do, she and I.&#0160; Old habits are hard to break…&#0160; And I will admit that humorous self-loathing is still my &quot;go-to&quot; in an awkward situation.&#0160; <em>But we&#39;re getting there.</em>&#0160; I can see clearly now that becoming the person I wish to be starts on the inside, and it&#39;s been my personal, private, and very difficult journey to help her heal.&#0160; To lead her to that place.&#0160; To help her overcome the sad parts, the angry parts, and the confusing parts of her life… &#0160; <em>To be able to let a lot of it go</em>. &#0160;Because what I&#39;ve come to realize is that hanging onto all of that is making it hard to fully love and be present in this amazing life I&#39;ve built around me… &#0160;And more than anything, <em>that is what I want.</em></p>
<p>So that&#39;s what I&#39;m focusing on for 2012, letting some of it go, and I might share some of that journey here along the way…&#0160; At least (for now) it is my goal for the new year, so I&#39;ll give it all I&#39;ve got, and we&#39;ll see where I&#39;m at next December.&#0160; I&#39;d like to embrace that I am not a perfect person but to continue on this path to becoming a whole person, and to recognize that I am worth respecting, be-friending, and loving no matter how imperfect I might be… &#0160;I especially hope I can convince myself that those words are true, if nothing else…</p>
<p>So that&#39;s it.&#0160; Thanks for reading.&#0160; <em>We&#39;ll get back to sharing photos around here soon, I promise</em>… &#0160;This tends to be the time of year that brings along some reflection, some purging, and some redefining. &#0160;And,&#0160;<em>I tend to be the type of person that does that kinda stuff</em>… &#0160;A recap of Christmas is coming soon, but for now….</p>
<p><a href=”http://sj.blogs.com/.a/6a00d834521f8569e20168e4ac21b1970c-pi” style=”display: inline;”><img alt=”Newyear” class=”asset asset-image at-xid-6a00d834521f8569e20168e4ac21b1970c” src=”http://sj.blogs.com/.a/6a00d834521f8569e20168e4ac21b1970c-800wi” style=”width: 770px;” title=”Newyear” /></a><br /><br /></p>
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